Requital
by Kismet
Summary: Heero walks out on Duo...and neither can deal with the aftermath (1+2 shounen ai).
1. Chapter 1 of 3

**Disclaimer:** I don't own own any of the following people or places mentioned. They all belong to Sotsu and Bandai or whomever. I'm too lazy to find out for sure. Actually, I do own Wuffie's soul. He sold it to me for the last cup of coffee this morning. So now that I've got a piece of paper that has "Wufei's soul" written on it, does that mean he's legally mine? *points at him* Don't sue _me,_ sue HIM! _He_ gave it to me! Oh yeah, I used only one tiny lyric for this fic, and it's from a Sting song called "Perfect Love...Gone Wrong." I don't own that, either.  
**Author's Note:** Woo woo...I've got kinda a dark fic for you all today. And it's _shounen ai,_ so if you don't like that sort of thing, you know the drill. The back button's right there, click at your own risk. And if you decide to flame me...well, I might just sic an unhappy Wuffie on you. Yes, I _am_ that mean. *evil cackle* ^_^  
  
**Kismet:** My third posted fic at fanfiction.net! *grin*  
**Wufei:** Who'd you kill off this time, _onna?_  
**Kismet:** Silly Wuffie, no one dies this time. Although _I_ might when Duo and Heero find out what I wrote. Do me a favor and lock all the windows and doors, would ya?  
**Wufei:** Are you telling me this is a torture fic?  
**Kismet:** Umm...something like that. ^_^  
**Wufei:** Fine, _onna,_ but it's _your_ funeral. Remember that.  
**Kismet:** Will you stop saying that? If you keep on annoying me, I just might sell your soul to Sally.  
**Wufei:** And people wonder why I hate women so much.  
**Kismet:** Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just start the fic, shall we?  
  
  


Requital (Part 1 of 3)  
  
_by Kismet  
  
kismetchan@hotmail.com_  
  
**********  
  
_// To have found this perfect life,  
And a perfect love so strong,  
Well, there can't be nothing worse  
Than a perfect love gone wrong... //_

  
  
A shrill, persistent whine pierced through the still night air as painfully as a needle stabbing through his eardrums. As his mind was yanked from obscurity to the excruciating agony of consciousness, he shuddered from the disquiet. His head was pounding and it hurt just to move his eyes around in their sockets.  
  
The sound didn't seem to stop, so he stirred slightly, rolling over onto his back enough for him to realize he had been lying face-down on the threadbare carpet. Funny, he hadn't remembered going to sleep in that position...but there were a lot of things about the previous night that he couldn't remember.  
  
He tried to open his eyes, but they were immediately filled with a searing brilliance that he vaguely recognized as sunlight. He could feel the warmth on this face, and he tilted his head to the left to the comfort of the darkness. He blinked a couple times and found that he was sprawled out in a bright patch of sunlight that streamed in from a nearby window. Slowly, painfully, his brilliant blue eyes focused on an object that lay not three feet from him. He stared at it.  
  
It was the phone. Feeling disoriented, it took a moment for Heero Yuy to figure out that it was the phone that was making the infernal racket. Somehow he managed to suppress the urge to throw the damn thing across the room and instead lifted his right arm just enough to nudge the receiver off its hook.  
  
The ringing came to a screeching halt. Instant peace.  
  
But not for long.  
  
"Hello? Heero, are you there?" a voice crackled over the line. Words spoken quickly and worriedly, spoken by a voice that he vaguely recognized.  
  
Heero merely shut his eyes again, trying to place the voice. It was one he had not heard for quite some time...but he welcomed it. He thrust his arm over to the phone and his fingers closed around the receiver. He dragged it back slowly and summoned the energy to hold it to his right ear.  
  
"Hello," he rasped. His voice sounded low and more like a growl than a question.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Heero, it's Quatre."  
  
_Quatre_...in his mind's eye he could visualize the little Arabian looking exactly as he had the day he had last seen him. His golden hair, bright blue eyes, gentle, worried expression. He could trust Quatre.  
  
"Hello, Quatre," Heero responded halfheartedly.  
  
"Oh, Allah, do you know how long it's taken me to track you down?" He sounded frustrated at Heero's reaction, like he had expected more of a reply but had known along that it was a mistake to do so. "Are you all right? I was beginning to think you'd disappeared off the face of the earth," he continued.  
  
"I'm fine."  
  
"Are you sure?"  
  
Heero was beginning to get a little annoyed himself. _"Aa."_  
  
Quatre sighed audibly on the line. "Look, Heero, I haven't been on the phone trying to find you for three hours just to bother you about your health. You see, Hilde called me earlier this morning...with news about Duo."  
  
_Duo?_ Heero was fully conscious in a heartbeat. "What happened?" he said, trying to keep his voice monotone.  
  
It didn't work. Quatre seemed to sense his anxiety all the way from L4. _Damn it._ "We're not sure," he explained. "Hilde said she's been out of town for about a week, so she called Duo yesterday and that...something was very wrong with him. He was acting extremely irrationally, almost to the point of being suicidal. Hilde was worried. She tried to call him again this morning, but Duo wasn't home."  
  
Heero was silent, expecting Quatre to go on.  
  
"Heero?"  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Did you hear what I said?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"What do you make of it?"  
  
"Quatre, I haven't laid eyes on Duo for nearly a year and a half," he finally muttered. His voice came out more gruffly than before, and more harshly than he meant to be. "How do you expect _me_ to know what's wrong with him?"  
  
The other ex-pilot didn't answer for a long time, but Heero knew what he was thinking. Heero had known Duo Maxwell once, _really_ known him. He had seen what was past the jester's mask. As much as Heero didn't want to admit it, if anyone even _remotely_ knew what Duo could be thinking at the present moment...it should be him.  
  
"When was the last time you talked to him?" Quatre suddenly asked.  
  
Heero pulled himself to a sitting position. He knew the answer...it was exactly sixteen months and eleven days ago, on the day they split up. But he didn't say this. "A little more than a year."  
  
"What did he say?"  
  
"I think I'll leave that to your imagination," Heero said shortly.  
  
The Arabian knew as well as Heero did that Duo had said some things on that day that neither wished to remember. A simple disagreement that had escalated into a full-scale war...and neither boy knew why.  
  
"Hmmm..."  
  
Heero rose to his feet and stumbled over to the window. The autumn sun was pouring down onto the rooftops like liquid gold. It was a beautiful day outside.  
  
He turned his back on it and staggered down the hall to his small bedroom, kicking empty soda cans out of the way. "What are you getting at, Quatre? You're telling me that Duo is currently in a semi-suicidal state...but why?"  
  
"I --" Quatre's voice was quiet, and Heero knew he had him caught. "I think you should go see him," he said. "To prevent him from doing something he'd regret."  
  
"Isn't that what Hilde is for?" The harsh words were out of Heero's mouth before he even realized it. He felt as if someone had possessed him and was making him act this way...but then he always felt uneasy wherever Duo was concerned.  
  
"Hilde can't be there for another week or so. She's going out of her mind with worry."  
  
Heero collapsed on his bed and stared thoughtfully at the ceiling. "Really."  
  
Quatre paused. "They're not involved, you know," he said at length.  
  
"Hn."  
  
"You've got to do something, Heero. You can't go on like this. If you don't decide to do something soon, then...I'll call Relena."  
  
"You wouldn't," Heero breathed.  
  
"I would."  
  
"..."  
  
"Heero..."  
  
"What?! What do you want from me, Quatre?" Heero retorted. He suddenly felt very tired. More tired than he had ever felt in his life.  
  
"Stop being stubborn. It's ruining both your lives."  
  
Heero opened his mouth to object, but there was a click and he was suddenly left with nothing but the dial tone, beeping an unpleasant rhythm that echoed throughout his mind.  
  
To say Heero was surprised would be an understatement. Quatre wasn't known for his forcefulness, and for him to actually be as rude as to hang up on someone...he must have been desperate to get through to Heero. But was he right? Was he allowing his memories of Duo to ruin his life?  
  
Heero rubbed his eyes. Now _that_ was something to lose sleep over. And lose sleep he did, almost every night. Every time the sky darkened, so did Heero's thoughts. The memories always came back, manifesting themselves as endless dreams. Sometimes Heero thought he would go insane from the monotony. Night after night, Duo's voice...weaving its way in and out of Heero's subconscious, haunting him ever since the day he left.  
  
_The day I left..._  
  
He remembered that day almost perfectly. A clear sky not unlike the one at present. Children were outside playing. People were out and about, walking their pets, tending to household chores. And when Heero looked out the window, that's exactly what he thought he saw. An average, sunshine-filled day. He had no inkling that a storm was brewing, a storm intensified by raw emotion...and Duo's inner demons.  
  
Something had set him off -- it was over such an insignificant thing that Heero could barely recall what it was. They had fought for stupid reasons before, all couples did...but never like they did on that day. Somehow, a hidden fury in Duo that Heero had never seen was unleashed...and that day Heero found himself staring into the deep indigo eyes of Shinigami himself...  
  


**********

  
  
They had been out walking, enjoying a rare beautiful afternoon after a week of rain on L2. The artificial sky simulated a clear spring day with a low breeze, and everyone seemed to be outdoors, taking advantage of the weather.  
  
Days like these made Heero feel human again. He was content to go out and walk the streets with Duo by his side, each cracking jokes to make the other laugh. Indeed, days like these made Heero glad to be _alive._ It had taken Heero years to forget the past and become the person he was, and he only wanted to share his new self with Duo. Though he was now more outspoken, Heero still longed to tell him this outright, but he never could find the right moment.  
  
"What should we go do today, Hee-chan?" Duo asked him, casually slipping his hand into Heero's.  
  
Heero smiled at the nickname. All that mattered to him was that Duo was with him. "I don't care."  
  
"How 'bout we go get some lunch, then?"  
  
"Sounds good," Heero responded as Duo pulled him towards the nearest coffee shop across the street. They glanced both ways before leaving the curb...and that was one of the last things Heero could recall.  
  
Though Heero was a different person than he had been years before, his reflexes were as sharp as ever. When confronted by a dangerous situation, he reacted without even thinking. And he didn't have time to think of anything else but Duo as a car came careening around the corner and headed straight for them. He threw himself in front of Duo, knowing it was too late to try to get out of the way...  
  
Heero remembered very little about what happened afterwards. He must've been thrown to the ground, because when he opened his eyes in the hospital, he could still see in his mind's eye the image of Duo standing over him, a terrified expression in his wide eyes, saying his name over and over again.  
  
When he woke up, a nurse was hovering nervously by his side. She explained to him that he had been hit by a car but managed to get off with very minor injuries. Heero still had plenty of physical scars from the war, and the nurse seemed awfully curious about them, so he hightailed it out of there as soon as possible. It turned out all he had was thirteen stitches and a bump on his head. _Big deal,_ he thought.  
  
Duo was waiting anxiously outside. "Hee-chan!" he exclaimed when he saw Heero emerge, relief spreading across his face. "Are you all right? How's your head?"  
  
Heero smiled and rubbed his forehead. "Er...do I know you?" he said playfully.  
  
Duo froze. "What did you say?"  
  
"You look awfully familiar," Heero continued. He was enjoying himself. "Have we met before?"  
  
"Holy Jesus shit," Duo murmured, going completely white. "Heero, don't you remember me?"  
  
Heero laughed. "Of course I remember you, _baka!_ How could I forget?"  
  
One thing Heero would never forget was the look on Duo's face when he realized his _koi_ had only been joking. He had never seen him look so scared in his entire life. He blinked in shock...and then his eyes went dark.  
  
"Yeah, how _could_ you forget?" Duo spat. Then he spun on his heel and left, daring Heero to follow him home.  
  


_To be continued..._  
  
**********  


  
**Kismet:** Woo...things aren't too happy, are they?  
**Wufei:** That was really stupid. I can't believe you're going to keep going with this.  
**Kismet:** Who asked you, ponytail boy?  
**Wufei:** *smirk* You _asked_ for constructive criticism.  
**Kismet:** I said _constructive,_ not _destructive._  
**Wufei:** Same difference.  
**Kismet:** *points to door* OUT!  
  



	2. Chapter 2 of 3

**Disclaimer:** Sadly, I don't own own any of the following characters or places mentioned. They all belong to Sotsu and Bandai or whomever. I'm too lazy to find out for sure. I do own this pathetic excuse for a fanfic, however.  
**Author's Note:** Yep, more angsty _shounen ai_ coming up. If it makes you squidgy... *points to back button* ...click it, click it good!  
  
**Kismet:** *sings* Oh, baby, it's Christmasss...all ooover...again...  
**Wufei:** *bangs head against the wall* Stop singing already!  
**Kismet:** What, you don't like it? Sounds like someone doesn't have much Christmas spirit.  
**Wufei:** Christmas spirit is for _onna_s like you, Ki-chan.  
**Kismet:** Fine. I'll just give you coal for Christmas. How would you like that?  
**Wufei:** I don't care _what_ you do, as long as you stop with the horrible screeching.  
**Kismet:** I was _singing!_  
**Wufei:** Whatever.  
  
  


Requital (Part 2 of 3)  
  
_by Kismet  
  
kismetchan@hotmail.com_  
  
**********

  
  
They had fought viciously after that. One strange little incident kicking up suppressed feelings like a cloud of dust. And when all was said and done, Heero was rather startled that no one had appeared to keep them from killing each other. It was a typical domestic spat with a hundred times the pent-up anger. If sound could travel through space, Heero wouldn't have been surprised to find that people on Earth heard them yelling obscenities at each other.  
  
Heero knew and yet he didn't know what caused it. He knew it was stupid of him to display humor at a moment like that, but he hadn't at all expected Duo to react the way he did. He had apologized a thousand times over that night, but Duo was too angry to care. Heero sensed that was not the only thing on his mind.  
  
He suspected it had more to do with a sort of depression Duo had developed. In the months beforehand, Heero had noticed him becoming oddly secretive. Sometimes, Duo would smile his same old Maxwell smile, but the smile would never quite reach his eyes. And the look in his indigo depths when he thought Heero wasn't looking...sometimes Heero thought that Duo was possessed by someone else entirely. It was clear Duo was hiding something, something he didn't want Heero to see...something that made him want to push Heero away. And that something, along with a ridiculous combination of some other things, had torn them apart.   
  
That day Duo had ended up telling him to leave. And when the sky darkened, he did. He never looked back.   
  
And Duo never came after him.   
  
So it was over.   
  
To make himself feel better, Heero used to tell himself that he was better off without Duo Maxwell dragging down his life. The whole incident with Duo was nothing more than a big waste. The whole relationship involved a lot of time, energy, and patience that he just didn't possess.   
  
It just wasn't worth it.   
  
And in time Heero managed to convince himself that things ended the way they did because they would have ended sooner or later, anyway. At the time it appeared to be the right decision.   
  
But apparently it wasn't. Heero couldn't stop thinking about it. True, Duo had told him plainly to get out, but Heero sensed that he was only trying to push him away again. He should have ignored Duo's harsh words completely instead of letting his pride get in the way. What Duo needed was the exact opposite of what he had done. He needed Heero close by. It was like Duo was testing him, seeing if he'd stay. And Heero had failed.   
  
Nothing would ease the pain of defeat. Heero's anger quickly melted into hurt feelings of guilt. His share of the blame had settled hard on his shoulders so that he wore it like a comfortable old coat at all times. It had been with him so long that he had almost forgotten it was there...almost. And now Quatre's call had made him even more aware of it. Quatre thought he should get rid of it for good.   
  
And he was right.   
  
He sighed. Quatre _was_ right, but right now Heero seriously disliked him for it. Heero hated when other people underestimated another's situation. Sure, going to see Duo sounded simple to Quatre, but for Heero himself...it was a whole other story. It was easier said than done. Quatre didn't know what he was talking about, so he was also _wrong._   
  
But Heero shouldn't have gone so long without addressing the problem...   
  
He closed his eyes. _You did this to yourself,_ he told himself. Heero had the familiar habit of ignoring problems that obvious to everyone else but himself. He knew that they were there, he just chose not to do anything about it until it was too late. Just like their last argument. Heero had just let it happen. He had seen the signs beforehand and had done nothing to prevent it. And afterwards he was too stubborn to go back.   
  
And there wasn't much he could do about it now. He had only one real option left. And he was more than a bit reluctant to take Quatre's advice.   
  
Duo had once accused Heero of being unfeeling. In a way this was true, but in a completely different way it was false. For Heero felt lots of things -- disappointment, hope, faith, frustration...he just never felt the urge to share them with anyone else. However...Heero was never sure that what he felt was love. He had felt it once, he supposed, but somewhere it had turned to guilt. And now that he thought about it, each didn't seem that different from the other.   
  
Heero's eyes fluttered shut. _What do I do?_ he asked himself. _Where do I even start?_   
  
As he slipped out of consciousness, his tired mind continued to seek the answer.   
  


**********

  
  
_By the time Heero caught up with Duo, he was already halfway home.   
  
"Duo!" he yelled. "What's wrong?"   
  
Duo spun on him, his eyes livid. "How could you do that to me?!"   
  
"I'm sorry, I didn't know you'd get so upset."   
  
"You scared the hell out of me! Do you have any I idea what I thought?!"   
  
"I didn't know you thought it was serious."   
  
"Yeah, well, when I saw you lying on the ground, bleeding everywhere..." he swallowed. "I thought you were --" his voice broke. "Shit."   
  
Heero seemed to be unable to do anything but stare at him. "You thought I was dead?"   
  
Duo turned away, walking quickly so that Heero had to run to keep him within earshot. "I don't even know why I worried. Sometimes I don't even know why I care. I wish I fucking knew why."   
  
Heero remained silent until they arrived back at the house. Duo angrily stomped up the front porch, nearly pulled the door off its hinges, and slammed it behind him with ten times more force than necessary, the windowpanes rattling.   
  
He watched this as his heart sank. He felt as though Duo were locking him out, and it was a strange sensation. Usually it was the other way around -- Heero would try to keep something from Duo, forgetting that Duo already knew everything about him. But now he found that Duo was the one with the secrets -- and Heero didn't know what to do.   
  
So he followed him inside._   
  


**********

  
  
Heero was awakened for the second time that day by yet another disturbance, the sound of his apartment door closing. He listened intently as someone wearing a pair of heels clicked into his kitchen and stopped. The irritating sound was then muffled by the cushioned carpet as the person walked down the hall towards his room.   
  
He reached over and pulled a pillow over his face. _Please don't let it be who I think it is..._   
  
"Heero?"   
  
_Perfect._ "Hello, Relena," he said sardonically.   
  
She grabbed the pillow away from him and Heero found himself staring into a pair of wide blue eyes framed by golden bangs. "How can you live like this?" she said, gesturing to the disarray around her.   
  
Heero followed her gaze. "What's wrong with it?"   
  
Relena muttered something that sounded suspiciously like the word "men," and replaced the pillow at the head of Heero's bed where it belonged. Then she straightened her impeccable blue suit and arranged herself neatly at the foot of the bed near Heero's feet.   
  
Heero and Relena had dated briefly before deciding they were better off as friends, eventually becoming very close over the years. Now they had a sort of brother-and-sister relationship that involved a lot of Relena's playful insults and joking death threats from Heero. Still, Relena could be depended upon when she was needed most.   
  
Heero stared at her expectantly. "May I ask why you took time out of your busy schedule to come and hand me more unsolicited advice?"   
  
The corners of her mouth curved slightly as she struggled not to smile. "I just got a call from Quatre," she informed him, "and he told me that you and Duo are having...problems."   
  
He threw her an unamused look. "Relena, I don't have time for this."   
  
"You don't have time to listen to me nag, but you have time to lay around in your bed all day?" she teased him, arching an eyebrow.   
  
"I made my own bed," Heero muttered. "Now I have to lie in it."   
  
Relena sensed something was up immediately. "Heero, I guess you know why I'm here, then."   
  
Heero didn't answer.   
  
She sighed. "I know you don't want to hear this, but I think you need to." She waited for him to meet her eyes. "I don't know what happened between you and Duo, and frankly, it's not my business to know. But since you're both my good friends, I hate to see you both torturing yourselves over it."   
  
Heero almost smiled. "If you go away, you won't have to."   
  
She grabbed another pillow off the floor and swung it at him. "I think I liked you better when you _didn't_ talk," she said wryly. "But seriously --" Her expression turned thoughtful. "-- Quatre sounded frantic on the phone. He's convinced Duo's going to really hurt himself...and I have to agree with him. You know how lonely he gets...and Hilde's not there, so he has no one to talk to. All I want to know is what your take on the situation is."   
  
"It's long. And complicated," Heero said quietly.   
  
"Obviously it is, or else it would be solved by now," Relena continued. She smiled gently. "But lucky for you -- I have all the time in the world."   
  


**********

  
  
Heero had discovered a long time ago that talking was a good way to shut Relena up, especially when she was in the mood to pester him mercilessly until she got what she wanted out of him. When he talked, she listened patiently and carefully. He could practically see the gears turning in her head as she sized up the situation.   
  
"Well," she said when he had finished. "That was quite a story."   
  
Heero didn't answer, he just watched as she bit her lip in thought, weighing all his options.   
  
"I think you should go talk to him," she said finally. "I can't tell you what to do, Heero, but I think talking would help."   
  
"How?" Heero wondered aloud. "The last time I did that..."   
  
"Hmm...last time. What exactly did he say, if you don't mind my asking?"   
  
Heero shut his eyes, trying to focus. "He was really angry with me. He said he was trying to tell me something, but he wouldn't say it directly. He said...he said I wouldn't understand."   
  
"And this is all directly related to the head injury incident?"   
  
Heero shot her an annoyed look. "I _know_ that was stupid of me to joke around like that."   
  
Relena looked amused. "Actually, that's not what I was thinking. I was thinking about how that sounds like something Duo would do to _you._ Say _Duo_ was the one who got hit and could've been killed, not you. And then he pretended he didn't recognize you. Don't you think you'd be mad at him, too?"   
  
"Probably," Heero admitted, lost in thought. "But I don't think that's what he was so angry about. I'm not really sure what he was getting at."   
  
"Neither am I," Relena said, "but I'm pretty sure only _you_ can answer that question."   
  
They stared at each other. Heero was still feeling confused, but he felt a little better about the whole thing.   
  
"So...what are you going to do?" Relena finally asked.   
  
"I could call him."   
  
Relena shook her head. "He's home, but he doesn't want to pick up the phone. Quatre knows he's there."   
  
Heero was very quiet. "I suppose I'll go talk to him, then."   
  
"I think that would be best. It might shed some light on the situation."   
  
"It doesn't make it any easier," Heero whispered.   
  
Her eyes were soft, and she looked at him sadly, like she knew something he didn't. "You know, Heero...love doesn't make things easier, just worth it."   
  
Heero actually cracked a smile. "That's exactly what I was thinking."   
  


_To be continued..._   
  
**********

  
  
**Kismet:** Whoa...what's this? Relena supporting Duo and Heero? Talk about random...  
**Wufei:** I have never seen her so out of character. If this was the real Relena, she'd probably have him chained in her basement.  
**Kismet:** *blinks* Woo...now _there's_ a kinky image.  
**Wufei:** Stop that, you _hentai_...  
**Kismet:** *innocent* Stop what? _You're_ the one who brought it up...  
**Wufei:** *backs away* You're crazy if you think I'm going to let you lock me in _your_ basement, _onna._  
**Kismet:** Wuffie, you are no fun.  
  



	3. Chapter 3 of 3

**Disclaimer:** These characters aren't mine. I'm too poor to support them and too boring to keep them interesting for long. But if the kind and generous people at Sotsu don't mind, I'd like to play with them for a while to pass a cold evening night. ^_^  
**Author's Note:** Hum de dum de dum...this fic is _shounen ai,_ so be ye warned, all who enter here. And there's some swearing, too (mostly from Duo-kun...heh heh), so I thought I'd warn ya ahead of time.  
  
**Kismet:** Uh-oh...  
**Wufei:** Now what are you on about?  
**Kismet:** I just realized Christmas is on Monday!  
**Wufei:** Your point being?  
**Kismet:** There is no point. I'm too tired to make sense anymore.  
**Wufei:** So take a nap.  
**Kismet:** And leave _you_ and my computer in the same room? How stupid do you think I _am?_ Wait, don't answer that.  
**Wufei:** Let's just get this over with, _onna_...  
  
  


Requital (Part 3 of 3)  
  
_by Kismet  
  
kismetchan@hotmail.com_  
  
**********

  
  
_Heero walked in and closed the door quietly. "Duo-chan, I'm sorry. I didn't know you'd --"   
  
"That's exactly the problem. You don't know," came Duo's voice.   
  
He spotted Duo sitting on the couch in the next room, the couch that Heero loathed but Duo loved. His face was in his hands. "Don't know what?" Heero asked.   
  
Duo's head snapped up, revealing his tear-streaked face. "You don't know what I've been through!"   
  
"I would if you'd just_ tell _me."   
  
"That's what I'm trying to do!"   
  
"So just_ do _it," Heero said. "Why are you making this so goddamn complicated, then?"   
  
"Because it_ is _complicated --" Duo looked away. "I should have known you wouldn't understand."   
  
"How am I supposed to understand if I don't even know what you're talking about?"   
  
"That's just it, Heero! You don't fucking know ANYTHING!"   
  
"What, you expect me to read your mind?!"   
  
"No, I expect you to at least show some fucking sensitivity!"   
  
Heero struggled not to be offended. "Oh, really?"   
  
"Spare me your fucking indifference, Heero!"   
  
"Duo, just tell me what you're trying to say."   
  
"I -- I can't."   
  
"Why the hell not?!"   
  
"That's beside the point."   
  
"And what is the point, exactly?"   
  
"I don't know!"   
  
"You're not making any sense. I don't see how --"   
  
"How can you not see something that's right in front of you?!"   
  
Heero froze. He couldn't answer him, and yet it was such a simple question..._   
  


**********

  
  
Heero's eyes flew open just as his shuttle was docking on L2. He had been dreaming again, dreaming of that last day. He got up, feeling rather irritable, trying to find the will to see Duo and put all his demons to rest.   
  
He arrived near Duo's house late that evening, but he didn't go right away. He walked the streets, just as they had on that day a year and a half ago, looking for answers in the faces of the people he passed. He didn't know exactly why he was there, a subconscious part of him told him he had to be. He had no idea what he was going to even say, or if Duo would even talk to him at all...   
  
Heero stopped in his tracks when he came to the next street. He recognized this one from his accident more than a year ago. And it was the same, and Heero was the same, and nothing seemed to have changed on the entire colony at all.   
  
He watched as a happy couple walked down the street, holding hands and bracing themselves against the cool, windy night. He blinked quickly, his vision blurring. He could barely remember ever being that happy. It too disappeared when he left. All the love and light he once held had slipped through his fingers.   
  
Numbly, he sat down on the curb to think and review the events that led up to his leaving, unconsciously rubbing the spot on his head where the car had hit him. He'd once supported acting on his emotions...and right now his emotions were telling him to go see Duo and not to let his fears get in the way.   
  
Heero got up again and started walking, staring intensely at the pavement and trying not to think too much. He wasn't sure where he was going, but his feet seemed to know the way. He trudged through a maze of streets, and when he finally looked up -- he was there, standing outside Duo's house, in the exact same spot that he had watched Duo slam the door on him.   
  
The shades were drawn and there was not a light on in the house. Quickly, before he thought better of it and let his feet take him home, Heero ascended the porch and knocked.   
  
No one answered. The door was locked tightly.   
  
_Damn it, Duo, I know you're in there...stop locking me out._   
  
Heero sighed and fished around in his pockets for his key. He hoped it wouldn't have to come to this, but he was going to have to go in himself. He sighed deeply, thrust the key into the lock, and turned.   
  
The door swung open easily into the dark foyer and Heero stepped silently in before he lost his nerve. The door closed behind him with a quiet click. He was in.   
  
_Mission accomplished...now what?_   
  
He looked around. Everything was like it always had been...the smooth, wooden floor, the white walls, the stairs spiraling up to the second floor. Without even looking, Heero knew what the other rooms on either side of the foyer looked like. On the right was a small sitting room...and on the left...   
  
Heero took a silent step toward the left room. This was Duo's favorite room, the one with the ancient dark blue couch that Duo loved but Heero hated more than anything in the world. Duo insisted on keeping it, and Heero let him because it made him happy. And that was another thing that drove Heero crazy...that any old dumb thing like a couch could make Duo instantly happy.   
  
Now he approached it cautiously, not allowing himself to think, not even allowing himself to breathe lest he give himself away. He crossed the threshold and waited for his eyes to adjust to the darkness.   
  
Heero froze in place as his gaze locked onto the couch. Duo was stretched out on the couch on his back, fast asleep. He wore a pair of gray sweatpants, a white shirt, and socks, and his chest rose and fell rhythmically with his steady breathing. His face was turned away from Heero. His hair was longer than Heero remembered; the thick chestnut braid hung off the edge of the couch and onto the carpet.   
  
Heero closed his eyes and sank down into a nearby chair. _What am I even doing here?_ he asked himself. He had no idea what he was supposed to say...what had he been thinking when he came here? Did he think if he just showed up, everything would be all right?   
  
His thoughts were rudely shattered by the loud, incessant ringing of Duo's phone. Heero jumped a mile and retreated back to the shadows of the front foyer, swearing under his breath as Duo stirred slightly on the couch but didn't wake up. The phone continued to ring.   
  
Heero only hesitated a moment before he slipped quietly through the house to the kitchen. He walked over to the desk and grabbed the phone to shut the stupid thing up.   
  
"What do you want?" he said, his voice quietly harsh.   
  
"Goddamn it, Duo Maxwell, you'd better have a FUCKING good reason for not picking up the phone!" a female voice that could only be Hilde's fumed on the line. "You scared me nearly to death yesterday, and then every time I call afterwards you don't even have the decency to pick up so I know you're not lying dead somewhere?! Don't you have anything to say for yourself?!"   
  
Heero felt the strangest urge to laugh. This whole situation was ludicrous. "Yes, I do," he finally said. "Goodbye." And then he took a page from Quatre's book and hung up, unplugging the phone as he did so.   
  
Satisfied, Heero turned around to check on Duo, only to find him leaning against the counter behind him, peeling an orange. He looked up and his eyes met Heero's -- only they were tired and lifeless as his own.   
  
"You're the last person I'd have expected to find lurking around my house at two in the morning," he stated, his voice cold. "You want to get it over with and tell me exactly why you're here?"   
  
Heero felt like he was paralyzed. He couldn't move, couldn't speak -- all he could do was follow each of Duo's movements with his dark gaze.   
  
Duo blinked. "Don't tell me you have nothing to say to me."   
  
Heero found his voice. "I -- I don't."   
  
"What do you want, then?"   
  
"I'm not really sure," Heero admitted.   
  
Duo popped an orange slice in his mouth. "The others sent you, didn't they?"   
  
"They were worried."   
  
"If the _others_ are worried, then why are _you_ here?"   
  
"I -- I don't know." Heero's hands had begun to shake. He stuffed them quickly into his pockets. Duo's reserved manner was making him extremely nervous, and right now he was spending most of his energy trying to keep his emotions in check.   
  
Duo's icy gaze seemed capable of reading his thoughts. "If you're here to talk -- then talk. I'm listening."   
  
The dam broke, and Heero narrowed his eyes. "What is it you want me to say, Duo? I never understood why we broke up in the first place! What is it you want from me?"   
  
"Is that all you want to know?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
Duo's eyes glittered as he stared at Heero. "Fine, then. I'll tell you what it is I want. But first I want you to tell _me_ something."   
  
Heero mentally banged his head against the wall. "All right."   
  
Duo paused and suddenly became very interested in his orange. "All I want to know is -- did you love me?"   
  
Heero was shocked. "What?"   
  
"You heard me. Did you love me at all -- or was that whole period of my life just a waste of time?"   
  
Heero stared off into space to avoid his eyes, pondering his answer. "I don't know," he whispered.   
  
Duo let out a long-suffering sigh. "You don't know anything."   
  
"If I _did_ love you I wouldn't have _known_ it," Heero corrected him.   
  
"But the point is you _didn't,"_ Duo muttered. "And that's fine. I just wanted to be sure."   
  
Heero stared at him. "Did...you love _me?"_   
  
Duo wouldn't look at him. "Yes. Yes, I did. In fact, I still do. Not like that means anything," he added, turning and throwing the rest of the orange in the sink. He pushed a lock of dark hair out of his eyes and padded down the hallway.   
  
"But what about all those things you said?" Heero questioned, following him.   
  
"What, the bullshit about not loving you?" Duo said, over his shoulder. His voice was bitter. "Hah. That was a load of garbage. I wasn't thinking straight that day. I nearly got you killed. And it scared me -- more than I wanted to admit. You could have died because of me, and then you brushed it off like it meant nothing."   
  
"I'm sorry I did," Heero murmured. "I didn't know how much it meant to you."   
  
"Exactly," Duo said softly as he shuffled back towards his couch and collapsed on top of it. "I felt like such an idiot after that. I expected you to know what I meant. It's just that -- I wanted you to know how much you meant to me. If you had died I would've completely missed any chance of you ever knowing. And it really pissed me off, how I couldn't even find the courage to tell you." He was quiet for a moment. "I was really fucked up that day. I don't know how else to explain it."   
  
Heero hesitantly came over and sat on the other end of the couch, careful not to disturb the space between them. "I never should have acted like I didn't recognize you," he said quietly. "That was one of the dumbest things I've ever done. I thought you would laugh. I like making you laugh."   
  
A wan smile crossed Duo's face. "In any other situation, I would have...but I was upset, and I said some really stupid things that didn't make any sense," he confessed. "When I told you to leave...I didn't think you'd actually do it. But you did."   
  
"You didn't come after me."   
  
"I didn't know you wanted me to," Duo answered quietly. "And I didn't know where you were, anyway. One thing led to another, and...a year had gone by before I knew it."   
  
A heavy silence fell over the room. Heero didn't know what else he could say, but already he felt the weight of his guilt being taken off his shoulders.   
  
"So...where do we go from here?" Heero finally said, breaking the silence.   
  
"I don't know," Duo said with a sigh. "I guess it all depends. But...I'm glad you came."   
  
It took Heero a moment to realize that he was glad too. "Duo?"   
  
"Yeah?" He was looking out the window, away from Heero.   
  
Heero drew in a shaky breath. "When I said I didn't know if I loved you --"   
  
"Hey, you don't have to say it," Duo interrupted. "I just wanted to know for sure. I wanted to know if I was wasting my time. And now I do." He sighed again. "Now I guess I can get on with my life, _ne?"_   
  
"Actually --" Heero began. "I would prefer if you didn't."   
  
Duo stared at him. "Why?"   
  
"Because -- because I think I love you, too."   
  
Duo was quiet for a very long time. "Don't fuck with me, Heero," he finally said. "Are you serious?"   
  
"Yes."   
  
"Well, shit," Duo said, looking him right in the eye. "This is fucking unbelievable."   
  
Heero gazed back. "I'm sorry I didn't know sooner."   
  
Duo jumped off the couch and threw up his hands. "I could care less about that," he exclaimed. "But...are you sure?"   
  
Heero just nodded. He was definitely sure.   
  
Duo smiled and rubbed at his eye. "Damn tear ducts," he said. "I hate getting all mushy."   
  
"Duo-chan...I'm sorry."   
  
"For what?"   
  
"For basically putting you through a living hell."   
  
Duo grinned, that old Maxwell grin that Heero found he had missed so, so much. He was by Heero's side in a second. "I think I can think of a way for you to make it up to me."   
  
"Oh, really?" Heero said, unable to hide his smile.   
  
"Yep," Duo whispered, kissing him.   
  
Heero gathered him up in his arms and held him close, content to just feel Duo's warmth close by, content to smell the scent of his hair that was uniquely Duo's.   
  
"Hey, Hee-chan?" Duo said after a moment.   
  
"Yes?"   
  
"Promise you won't ever leave me like that again, okay?"   
  
Heero smiled. "Next time I leave...you're coming with me."   
  
As Duo snuggled against his chest, Heero recalled Relena's words...   
  
_"You know, Heero...love doesn't make things easier, just worth it."_   
  
She was right. This perfect kind of love _was_ worth it.   
  


_*owari*_   
  
**********

  
  
**Kismet:** Aw, man...that's probably one of the sappiest fics I've ever written.  
**Wufei:** That was downright _weird, onna_...even for _you._  
**Kismet:** Okay, okay, I _get_ it. But in a strange way, I actually like this. I suck at writing citrus, though, so that's why there really isn't any.  
**Wufei:** Good thing, too.  
**Kismet:** I hope this fic affected your warm-fuzzy-feeling reflex, _minna-san._  
**Wufei:** Don't you mean _gag reflex?_  
**Kismet:** That's _enough,_ Wuffie...now stop before I go find myself some mistletoe. *evil grin*  
**Wufei:** _No!_ Anything but that!  
**Kismet:** Fine, I'll be nice. Anyway, that about does it for my latest wacky fic! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I did writing it, and happy holidays! *big hug* Oh, and I forgot to mention...please feel free to leave a message after the beep! *wink wink*  
  
_*beeeeeeeeeeeeep*..._  



End file.
